If you’ve decided to get a divorce, or if you’re already going through it right now — you have to understand that there are certain details that you don’t need to discuss with any of your family members, friends, and especially to your kids.
Remember, from the moment you tell the first person, the world instantly becomes a bit of a minefield (in terms of both legal and personal matters) when it comes to talking about your divorce.
To help you get through this tough time, here’s a list of what to say (and what NOT to say) while going through divorce. Bear in mind that what you say out of court can greatly affect what happens in court, so you have to be careful with your words.
Decide who to tell
It is very important that your spouse should first be informed that you’ve filed (or planning to) for divorce before the rest of your family does, or that your kids won’t find out about it from your neighbours. Plan who to tell, starting with the people who will be directly affected.
Focus on the positive things
Truth is, this isn’t really a positive situation. But if you can take a neutral or positive tone regarding what to say about the subject, you’ll likely prevent any chances of accidental rant or randomly bursting into tears in public areas. Not that this won’t happen anyway, because it probably will at some point — but having a positive message will actually help you feel more in control of the situation.
Get ready for some backlash
Here’s the thing, some people really like hearing about divorce stories because it feeds the rumour that they’ll eventually tell other people. These things are unavoidable so you just have to be prepared to ignore it completely.
Stay away from social media
Anything you post online is already considered public, and those can be used against you in court. That’s why it is very important to keep your privacy settings at a maximum while the process is still ongoing, or better yet, stay away from using any of your social media platforms for a while.
Consult with your Divorce Solicitors and your therapist (if you have one) for the things you need to let out. It is normal to feel pressured, angry, sad, and overall emotional during this time but you need to be extra careful.
Be very careful with your words
As mentioned earlier, be aware that anything you put in writing — like an email or even a private message on social media — could end up in the public domain. Unfortunately, in some divorce proceedings, things like these can sometimes happen.
Keep the children out of it
When talking to your family and friends about the divorce, be careful about who might be listening (kids can be very sneaky too). Also, be extra cautious when you’re talking about the things that directly affect your children like “what might happen to them regarding custody.” These might pressure them and cause a lot of anxiety.
As much as possible, make an agreement with your spouse not to go into details about the divorce proceedings while the kids are around, or say anything negative about each other. Co-parenting is the key to making your children feel secure even after the divorce.