Affairs can happen in the blink of an eye. An innocent text message can turn into a full-blown emotional affair and a simple hug can turn into full-on intimacy. Whatever reasons and events led to you having an affair, what matters is what you choose to do after you’ve realized that you want to set things right.
Below are 10 expert-approved tips from Haywood Hunt & Associates Inc. relationship expert Michael Porter on how you can save your marriage after having an affair:
Express regret to your partner without ifs and buts. Own up to everything you did and accept the consequences such as you jeopardizing your marriage and hurting your partner. It is only after you take control and responsibility that you become ready to truly repairing your relationship with your spouse.
Assure Your Spouse That You Won’t Do It Again
And make sure that you’ll be true to your word. Keep in mind that your spouse will be extra vigilant of your actions so make sure that your actions are a testament to any promises you make.
Be Completely Honest with Your Spouse
Your partner will have a million and more questions about the affair and yes, he or she has a right to understand what made you stray. The only way you’ll repair the feelings of betrayal is by completely honest, nothing less.
Stop with The Secrets
After letting your spouse in on the affair’s details, it would be best to share nearly everything as you both work on rebuilding your relationship. Don’t hide texts, emails, social media accounts, phone records, and similar things. The last thing you want is for your spouse to suspect that you’re having an affair again after coming clean.
Keep in Mind that Forgiving Isn’t Easy
Understand that your partner may take a while to come to terms with the affair and to let you back in her or his life. Trust is a very fragile thing and there will be times when some of your actions may raise his or her alarm bells to red alert status. Understand that being betrayed isn’t easy to deal with so complete forgiveness may take quite some time.
Mind Your Actions
Remember that it is your actions and choices that created a rift in your marriage. Try to find out what made you go for an affair so that you can stop yourself from straying again in the future. Nearly everything can be worked out if you give it your all.
Change for a Better You
Once you already know whatever shortcomings you may have, try to change that and/or develop other sides of you. For example, if not having enough time together was a key factor in your cheating, plan for date nights and make a conscious effort to spend time with your spouse to strengthen your bond and create happy memories.
Communicate with Compassion
Try to see things from your spouse’s point of view to help you communicate better during the restoration stage but also put emphasis on creating a balance between rebuilding your old relationship and creating a new stronger one. Realize that your spouse can be extra sensitive sometimes so it would be better to focus on positive activities that you both enjoy to help with the healing process.
Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Professional Help
There is no shame in seeking the services of an infidelity counsellor to help you and your spouse to move on from the affair. Having someone view your marriage from a new perspective, can sometimes open up weak areas and help heal others.
Fall In Love With Your Spouse Again
You’ve cheated for reasons you may not all be aware of; one of which may be about not having the same depth of feeling for your spouse as you did when you got married. Find new reasons to fall in love with your spouse and the only person you’ll be having an affair with will be him or her over and over again.