Letting your dark secrets out can be very difficult and traumatizing at the same time but it is the best thing you can do to calm your mind down. Most men don’t know how to share their dark secrets with her.
The way to get rid of your anxiety and discomfort is to tell her the truth.
If you have made up your mind that she is the one and you want to get rid of the heaviness of your mind, then you should go ahead and follow these steps before letting your girlfriend or spouse know your dark secrets.
Your secrets can be quite heavy on your mind and heart. You consider a secret dark if it is unethical or immoral. It could be an ex, current affair, something related to your past or present, cheating, or anything else. When you have a dark secret, you know it. Deep down, you know it.
Here’s how you can share your dark secrets with her without screwing it up:
1. Plan and Practice
Keep an eye on her mood, circumstances, and environment. Practice beforehand when you confront her about telling your darkest secrets.
Try to speak in front of a mirror by looking into your eyes. Consider all kinds of reactions and prepare yourself for any scenario.
2. Choose Your Strongest Communication Medium
Speaking is not the best way to communicate when you are revealing your darkest secrets. The constant gravitational pull of your secrets would not let you do that either.
Men find it much more difficult and sometimes they even get short of words.
Choose a medium that’s best for you and one that you are an expert at. It could be anything: Voice message, text, email, or even a postcard would work.
The best way is to confront her verbally if you can gather enough courage. This will help you better respond to her reactions in time. And you can vary tone and words based on her reaction.
3. Select the Right Day and Time
This is very important to consider. Make sure she is in a good mood and ready to listen.
If she is already having a bad day, don’t talk to her about your secrets that day as she might get defensive and react negatively. Wait for the right time. It is best if you treat her well on that day, take her out on a date if you could, and then spill the beans carefully.
4. Be Apologetic and Empathizing
Try to be polite, apologetic, and empathizing when you are letting her know your secret. You have trusted her enough to reveal your secrets and you don’t want to lose her.
Use words such as “I’m sorry” and “I apologize I didn’t tell you earlier”. This will imply how hard it is for you to reveal something and hold it for so long.
5. Start with an Apology
Don’t inform her. Rather, accept it. Start with an unconditional apology.
According to the Association for Psychological Science, an apology is a thousand times better than living a deceiving life and it is better on both ends.
That is exactly why you should start with an apology about how sorry you are to hold it back and how hard it must be to share your dark secret with her.
Normally, you wouldn’t do this but you don’t want the foundation of your relationship to be hollow and fake. That is why you should tell her everything on time.
6. Explain Your Situation
Try to explain the whole scenario like what exactly happened, when it happened, why it happened, and what are the consequences that you have faced.
The mental torture that you have been facing all these years.
Let her know about your good intentions towards her and explain why you did what you did and why you have kept this a secret. Most of the time it is not even your fault, just the circumstances, and some bad experiences. This is what life is all about.
7. Don’t Rush and Keep Calm (Expect Worse)
Once you have explained everything, just remain calm. Don’t expect an answer right away.
Always be prepared for the worst and that includes her leaving you. If that’s the case then consider yourself lucky that you are not with someone anymore who doesn’t understand you or your feelings.
8. Giver Her Time to Digest and Respond
Give her some time to process your dark secret. You both have been in a relationship for a long time and it seems like suddenly you have dropped a bomb on her due to stomach disturbance or any other medical condition.
Owning a mistake is not easy and you have successfully done that. Don’t expect anything spontaneous. Let her digest this and wait for her response. For some, it could be a matter of a couple of hours while others might take weeks to process the confession. Wait for her to respond and hope for the best.
Just a Little Reminder
Everyone has their dark secrets and having one is not bad. But keeping it a secret from your partner is a bad move. If she ever finds out about your dark secret then chances are she will not be able to trust you again.
If you have trusted her enough to live your life with her then you should trust her to handle your secrets – no matter how dark.
Revealing your secrets will not shatter your relationship, it will embrace it. Just let go of your deepest secrets and start enjoying life with your partner without any remorse or guilt.
